Monday, December 8, 2008

I've moved

All future posts will go on my new domain

jeffreyleonard was just an alias, a nom du plume, what my mom called me when I was in trouble.

Said, with lips pursed against teeth, like you say "clients," usually with a raised finger and a stern look, "Jeffrey Leonard!"

I'm 41. She may have more opportunities.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Career Update

The Rat City Rollergirls don't want me to do PR for them. I'm still going to publish my screenplay featuring cartoon roller skating rats cuz I think it's funny and might help them.

I was interviewed for Marketplace Money which will air this weekend. It was very fun, went into KUOW's studio, put on headphones, spoke into a big mic and talked about using time not employed by someone else to explore your creative side, do the things you love, spend time with family, and work on finding the right job.

Who knows what they'll use, but hopefully they'll mention The Stay-at-Home Dad Survival Guide

It might go on their website.

Local air times are here:

Please listen and let me know what you think.

Because no one else has ever done it...

I'm going to publish everything I've ever written.

People will call me prolific, neurotic and misguided.

I'll edit out the dirty stuff and change names where needed.

The truly silly who read it all in its entirety might discover the punchline to the longest, most-mediocre joke ever told.

I pity them.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Got a call from Marketplace, NPR radio

They want to know about underemployment.
I feel like I've never been more busy.
PR for me now is personal PR.
Totally different ballgame, and this cobbler is working hard to put new shoes on the little ones.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Rat City Rollergirls

Looks like a fun group to do PR for.
It would beat network security PR, that's for sure.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Flaks - The Musical - Scene 3

The story of a Silicon Valley PR agency during the dotcom boom of the late 1990s

(Britt and Barb are in the women’s bathroom)

Britt (from one stall) – so, it didn’t go well with Clay
Barb – (from another stall) No.
Britt – I told you we…
Barb – Don’t! Just don’t.
Britt – Lori isn’t…
Barb – Shut up, Britt.

(They exit the stalls and stand talking at the sinks.)

Barb – We need to get Billy on the phone and prep him. If he doesn’t get past Clay, we could be out.
Britt – You mean Billy’s out…
Barb – Think Britt. I went to Lori behind Clay’s back, if Clay says “no” then they’ll know I wasn’t entirely truthful.
Britt – You lied.
Barb – Never say that word.

(They stop talking, Barb’s pensively drying her hands. Britt gets dreamy.)

Britt – For a geek, Billy’s kind of cute.
Barb – He’s not a geek. He’s a dork. (She breaks into song)
We need them to see a geek
Britt – But, he’s kind of cute
Barb – Too timid, too meek
Britt – We’ll get him a suit
Barb – What the hell, a male body’s all we need
Those clowns don’t trust me
To pitch their technology
Just you wait and see
They’ll love him for one simple reason
Britt – It’s tradeshow season
Barb – (disdain) they’ll trust him cuz he’s got a penis
The dumb brotherhood of we-ness
That, we, Britt, will never possess

Britt – Oh, right, yes...

Barb – So you see it proceeds logically
Loyalty determined biologically
Just you wait and see
Britt – yes I’ll wait and see
You follow your hunch...
Barb – It’s more than a hunch...
Britt – Fine, let’s go get lunch.

(They exit the bathroom. Two men are stopped outside the women’s bathroom, they’ve clearly been listening. Lincoln is Asian roughly 30, the other is John, younger, 20-something, junior. The men pretend not to have been listening. The women pretend not to care. After they’re gone, Lincoln shrugs at John. John says cheerfully, inanely)

John – Yes, but they don’t have urinals.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Flaks - The Musical -Scene 2

The story of a Silicon Valley PR agency during the dotcom boom of the late 1990s

Scene 2
(Barb and Clay are in Clay's office. Photos of Clay with tech legends, Steve Wozniak/Jobs, Larry Ellison, framed articles on the walls - a bust of Mark Twain sits illuminated in an alcove. Industry Awards are arranged on his desk and bookshelf, Bronze Anvils, Silver Trumpets)

Clay - (across desk) So, you're interviewing for a new AE?
Barb - We're looking around, yeah. (Tense, struggling to be confident).
Clay – When were you going to tell me? I work here, too, you know, oh, wait, yeah that’s right, I own the fucking place.
Barb – Now Clay
Clay – Don’t “Now Clay” me, Barb. I pay the bills around here, it’s my name on the letterhead.
(Clay goes quiet and Barb sits there quietly, too, waiting for Clay’s anger to subside which it does, then he asks)
What accounts would he be on?
Barb - Applied Hyper Math, maybe MetaBall, maybe some new business.
Clay - Oh, you've got some new business, then?
Barb - We're working on some things, we have leads, potentials...
Clay - Potentials...
Barb - Yes, quite a few actually.
Clay - Really...
(another pause as Barb and Clay examine each other)
Barb – It’s not what you think, I’m not going behind your back. We were just talking. The AHM account needs another body and Ron and Dave need to think we get their technology.
Clay – Don’t you?
Barb – Sure, but I can only spend so much time on them, and you know how Britt is, and then this guy’s resume came in and he used to write for Open Systems Today.
Clay – Really? What’s his name?
Barb – Billy Packhard.
Clay – Hewlett’s partner?
Barb – No relation. Listen let me run the kid by the geeks, see what they think.”
Clay – Barb.
Barb – Yes, Clay.
Clay – Fuck the geeks. I (loudly) want to meet this guy. Remember “Clayton Partners. CLAYTON, that’s me.
Barb – Right Clay, of course. I’ll get him on your calendar.
Clay – Great.

(Barb leaves. Clay sits alone in his office. He looks over at the bust of Mark Twain sitting in its lit alcove, the light goes gauzy and Clay walks over to the bust and starts singing plaintively to the bust.)

Samuel, my old friend Samuel
This place has gone to hell
What’s a guy to do?
It got so complicated
My life lies bifurcated
My soul’s been sliced in two.

(Mark Twain bust starts singing, too)

Clayton, my dear friend Clayton
Your whining’s fucking gratin’
Sac-up and kick some ass
you whinging worthless mass

Clay – But Sammy…
Twain – No butts
Clay – God damn me
Twain – such a putz
Clay – It’s all just slipping away
All those years and now we’re cool
And the whole thing’s slipping away
Beat up and teased, the losers at every school
Now, they’ve seen our worth
The geek shall inherit the earth
But these bitches and schemers
Are bilking us dreamers
Stealing the light from our day

Twain – (nonplussed) you don’t say.

(Gauzy light goes away. Clay looks at the once again solid bust and turns away).

End Scene